Happy Monday. Due to a mixup at the post office today is monday. shutup.
here are some pictures of brands pretending to be fellow kids in order to sell shit to people on social media.
okay here are trophies. fyi this newsletter might get cut off in your email a bit because SOMEONE decided to rant about social media/brands for a few paragraphs. idk u can click the link or whatever to read it. thank substack.
Our SOCIAL climber! woooooonce more rrraksamam proven true the age-old adage: “If you post like, twice a day, you’re bound to get the most engagements.”
Some of y’all could learn a thing or two!
In 2nd place, THAT Secretary. On the come up since 3rd place last week, secretary! Nice! In 3rd, Baimler Denz, Nuuk. Baimler is always somewhere up in the top 3 it’s wild.
Other sloppy joes abandoned on the cafeteria floor of the emerging telemedicine markets: Darryl Bootschlicker wants to keep your boots clean and scuff-free. With his tongue! Jacques Strap simply adores coffee. Trent Yazzo is single-handedly disrupting the kazoo market. Oh wow, listen to him kazoo. That jazz cat can really ‘zoo! Oh, man this kazoo solo! Look at him go!
Hardest Worker:
It’s Bain. But. Baimler is hot on his heels. Bain is nursing a meager lead of 16 works. With the right intern, Baimler could make a big push and take over once more as the NCAA National Work Champion. Happy march madness.
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Networking Goblin: Darryl you crazy goblin! You did it! You networked the most this week. Looks like you’re well on your way to building an army to destroy office spider.
Hottest Profile: Bad news, Darryl. Despite your networking prowess, Office Spider is still super hot. This proves true the age old adage: “you know what is hotter than a pair of nice legs? 4 pairs of nice legs. attached to the cephalothorax, a fused head/thorax found in many chelicerate arthropods.”
ShlinkedIn Tribune: too lazy this week. keep submitting to sam@shlinkedin.com. or just say hey. idk.
ShlinkNews:
Why work when you can procrastinate indefinitely?
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alright y’all. everyone go have a nice rest of your day.