Happy Monday! Despite massive technological advancements in biotech, humans sadly need to eat and sleep. Hopefully within the next few years we can be perfectly optimized such that we don’t need to enjoy anything anymore. We’ll keep you posted on how that shakes out.
TROPHIES
Our super sweet social climber… rrraksamam, Former Senior Manager at Bad Attitude Inc! He’s been sharing scenes from the office, highlighting his wonderful productivity and lack of distractions and maybe an HR email or two abotu some colorful comments he may have made.
In 2nd… Baimler Denz Nuuk! In 3rd… THAT Secretary [too lazy to find her emojis rn].
Other banks in need of bail outs: IndomitableHustler is BACK, baby! WORK-O-TRON 5000 looks a lot like josh peck. James Bratwurst knows the links between getting into the meaty details of business and a good grindset. Weiner.
HARDEST WORKER: so bold. so brave. so business. so Bain.
FRIGGIN ADS
Networking Goblin: DREW. LAVA. Remember this name. Well, his full name. Andrew Lavaderos. He is known for his magma-hot passion for business. That is why he is named lavaderos. Or it’s like a greek thing idk. This is his 2nd week in a row as networking goblin so u know he’s good.
Hottest Profile: What’s half man, half horse, and full hot? That’s right—Chief Jerff Horseman. Just look at the hot vibes radiating off this absolute business baddie. You could cook eggs on ‘em. That’s how hot.
The ShlinkedIn Tribune:
This week, news of a massive two-state merger on the horizon. Read the full piece here.
ShlinkNews: We lost the keys to our office, and are proud to announce we are fully remote until we find them.™
Now hiring AI prompt specialist with minimum 5 years of experience
Elon Musk values Twitter at half-price bought: "I should have bought Shlinkedin"
ShlinkedIn now allows animated porn as Profile Pic
New startup announces CoughCoin: a cryptocurrency that changes value depending on your COVID-19 and vaccination status.
Leftist conspiracy prevents Trump's arrest to deprive him of media attention
ShlinkedIn introduces groundbreaking new 'Sarcasm Filter' because obviously, sarcasm is impossible to detect without it
Curt Corginia pisses off God Himself and gets banished to linkedin. "it's slightly worse than hell
What advancements in chatGPT mean for WORK-A-TRON-5000’s return
How interns used ChatGPT to gaslight their boss for promotions in rank and salary.
alright everyone. go eat some dirt. or whatever. stay blessed.
Best,
ShlinkedIn