Happy Monday! easter, passover, eid al-ftir—all great holidays. But, shouldn’t we be more concerned with the April birthday of Kourtney Kardashian, one of the greatest businesspeople of ALL TIME? not only has she built up a massive empire selling small hats to put on top of each of your toes, but she has also been featured in FORBES. In that feature, she dropped one of the biggest bits of business wisdom ever: “When I launched Poosh, one of the first things I did was call Allison and say, “Can we go to lunch? I want to pick your brain.”
Simply brilliant. That’s the secret to building a business. Ask Allison to lunch. Then you can launch ur own poosh.
imagine calling ur company ‘poosh.’
TROPHIES
SOCIAL CLIMBER!!! rrraksamam has been on a tear lately, and this marks his 3rd social climber in a row. Perhaps he is growing too powerful. can anyone overthrow him??? pls! the world needs a hero!
In 2nd place, Office Spider. Office Spider approaches this week with compassion and empathy, which forbes notes are 2 key factors in convincing your employees to work harder for no additional money. In 3rd, Bain W. Kuang
Other lil specks of dust on the computer screen of industry: Jack Davidson is looking to make Fujitsu North America the #1 brand on social media. Gundel Ekendoort has a spooky picture! He chickens… He zaps… But maybe most of all, he burger kings. He is Chicken Zap Burgerking. How to be a catalyst for your team. Buhog58 is how. idk what the one video he shared means but you can tell Racecar Funkalot Hickok means business.
Hardest Worker
Bain wins again. Frankly, it seems that Bain is too big to fail. Some thought Bain might crumble upon announcing their intent to make their portfolio more sustainable (including divestments from harmful—but lucrative—practices like fracking). However, Bain did a great job doing business by rolling back their plans to stop destroying the world b/c it was proving difficult to balance a healthy profit with a concern for their fellow man. Let’s all root for Scott Olson Meme Supermodel, who is in 2nd!
ENTERING THE AD ZONE WOOOO YEAH LETS BUY SHIT
Networking Goblin: Claud, Tha Cloud Connoisseur doesn’t just have his head in the clouds. He also has his hand on a stack of business cards, which he is ready to throw out at laser speeds. If you aren’t quick enough to catch one, then bad news: you’re officially not in his network. sucks to suck!
Hottest Profile: There have been quite a few debates and valid points made about the unhealthy body standards set by various media and entertainment outlets. But—you know what? I’ll say it. If you want to be “hot” and compete with the best, then you need to put in the work. That means doing squats EVERY DAY to make sure you have a juicy base for your spinnerets. That means doing 300 crunches every morning to get that Cephalothorax in fighting shape. That means ensuring you have a proper skin care routing such that your urticating bristles can effectively grasp surfaces, allowing your 8 legs to help you better climb. Just look at office spider for inspo—now that’s an arachnid who knows what “hot” is.
The ShlinkedIn Tribune:
today, it is just a haiku upon which you reflect. submit ur own haiku, or poem, or full article, or whatever, to sam@shlinkedin.com.
I like to print things
Yummy yummy printer ink
I drink it all up
ShlinkNews: hey does anyone know where all our printer ink went?™
Introducing Forbes 30 Under Arrest
Local man working from home arrested for stealing company time after taking 45+ minute shit
Billionaire thinks April Fool jokes still funny after April 1
How to make sure your parents pay your taxes
Convicted serial murderer was sentenced to work at a marketing agency as a copywriter for 20 years. "Can I get the chair instead?" he asked.
On the road to success, you will face many challenges. You will hit hurdles the size of mountains. You will face naysayers, who approach you and say nay. You will get attacked by rabid dogs. But you know what? They don’t know how hard you’ve worked to make your dreams reality. So, go ahead—live your dream! Send that email! Respond to the response to the email! Send another follow up with the correct zoom link! Yeah!
Best,
ShlinkedIn