Happy Monday! It’s a bit chilly. That will continue for a bit. Ultimately, warmth will return. Who knows—when warmth does return, you may be sitting in the very same spot, emailing the very same person. You may be speaking about the same subject, even. Who knows! Let’s get down to business in the meantime.
TROPHIES
Our sumptuously scrappy social climber this week is Rene “Hustler” Descartes. Rene started their career humbly as a world-famous mathematician, scientist, and philosopher. After awhile, that proved to be boring, unfulfilling, and generally inconsequential so Rene switched to sales or software or something.
Rene hasn’t posted in awhile but our tracking still has him doing some numbers so… whatever!
In 2nd place, Donkey Dad Febrezeius (you may know him as the bold, out-of-the-box thinker who got rid of chairs and tables in all the meeting rooms. wow!). In 3rd place, Baimler Denz, Nuuk. Not only is Baimler Denz, Nuuk leading the hunt for God’s replacement, but also does not know where Iowa is. Who does!
Other candles burning out atop the cake of hybrid work policies: Lord Thomas Schmichael Consterdine Wiggans The Third is willing to make sacrifices for greatness. Saul Goodman is back, baby! It’s all good, man! hahaha woooo. WebClimaxx is working those interns. social media.
hardest worker: it’s 1 word, 4 letters, rhymes with “bane.” that’s right! it’s bain!
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Networking Goblin: M. Friedman, economic genius and nobel prize winner, has decided to take his career to the next level by stamping his feet on the ground and crying until people introduce themselves. This is the secret to his rapidly expanding rolodex!
Hottest Profile: Scott Olson, Meme Supermodel. So hot. Want to know the secret to becoming a supermodel? Easy: be super hot. Be as hot as scott olson. He makes it look so effortless. For him, it is. God. So hot.
The ShlinkedIn Tribune:
Corporate personality testing? Sign me up! Read the full piece here.
ShlinkNews: We’ll say whatever you want please just subscribe™
ShlinkedIn to expand to mock other social media including Shlinstagram, Shlacebook, Shliktok, and even MyShlpace.
No, aliens can NOT solve skilled labour shortage: They are still searching for intelligent life on earth...
Help! I just deleted my NFT
Okay dokay everyone!!!! Go out there. Thrive. Network. Build. Grow. Meditate. Use an app to do it. Yeah. Nice.
Best,
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